Nothing to do

I cannot write poems or pretty things, I can only say I love you, you are my little brother, you know that. I have no answers for your questions, I have no right questions to make you.
I would like to hold you in my arms, to sing you one of those songs you always liked (included Ni wa wa), to tell you about the After Forever concert and to show you the pictures. To hug you and sing to you until you fall asleep and you don't feel that pain anymore.
Hope is the only thing that keeps you going, that keeps us going. I know you hope to live, so I do too. I know you hope not to feel that pain anymore, so I do too. I know you hope to come here to visit me, so I do too. I don't want to hope something that you are not hoping for.
Forgive me if I cannot stop crying, if I don't say the right words when I talk to you. It's just that feeling of not being able to do anything that makes me cry, it's not you. There is nothing I can do but keep calling you and tell you stories, those stories of things you never experienced and you (we) don't know if you will ever do.
I miss you so much, I want to be with you so hard. I am sorry for not being there.

Hope
Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune-without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

el poema que ya no te recitaré

Táctica y estrategia

Mario Benedetti

Mi táctica es
mirarte
aprender como sos
quererte como sos

mi táctica es
hablarte
y escucharte
construir con palabras
un puente indestructible

mi táctica es
quedarme en tu recuerdo
no sé cómo ni sé
con qué pretexto
pero quedarme en vos

mi táctica es
ser franco
y saber que sos franca
y que no nos vendamos
simulacros
para que entre los dos
no haya telón
ni abismos

mi estrategia es
en cambio
más profunda y más
simple
mi estrategia es
que un día cualquiera
no sé cómo ni sé
con qué pretexto
por fin me necesites.

porque polonia está muy lejos de perú y más de holanda.

Blackle

Go Blackle and save some Watt hours.
http://www.blackle.com/

Going vegan

Going vegan has been an ephemeral thought for me over the last years. I am in the way to become vegan simply because in order to produce it, meat takes so much more resources. Although it is hard, since I do like meat and most of dinners back home involved a considerable amount of meat since I was a kid; then it must have generated some kind of connection between family-feeling and eating meat.
My friends reaction was "it is not going to change anything" they remain skeptical, but from I have seen, eating meat involves a bigger impact to the environment, many crops are there just to feed the cattle and that involves a greater water consumption, among others (this is not a scientific paper, although I am still working on that). According to scientific based studies, it is possible that there will be a shortage of water in the coming years. Possible, which means that it may be better than we think (or worse, of course).
I can choose to be or not a vegan, but if a water shortage comes up in upcoming years future generations will narrow down their choices. I don't feel I have the right to do so hence I will become a vegan.

Apples and REC

There I was, during the coffee break, reading the article I should have read the day, almost everything is highlighted, and then D guy comes and starts talking to me, I cannot answer because I have half of an apple in my mouth (I should have taken smaller bites, I know), so I nood and point at the apple, he realises I cannot speak, and is so gentle not to mention it but continues talking. I manage to swallow that half of an apple, and actually start talking and just then coffee break is over, he goes to take a seat somewhere else, I am still holding the other half of that apple with this big smile in my lips.
Between the apple and D guy I forgot about the REC framework and land contamination. It looks like a good article, however it assumes that opinions from "scientific experts" is something we have to take as "correct", and doesn't point out the importance of time (lines) if we want to say something is correct.
So far, so good, I am loving it here.

Not so lucid dreams

This must be the third or fourth time I start my blog, I promise myself every time I won't erase it, but somehow at the end I always do. I do hope this one it's the last time I have to go through all that registration process, it's pretty boring.
Here I am, again, in another country, going back to university, learning to study again.
Before leaving my country for one year for the second time, I knew it was going to be hard.
I love being here, go "fietsen", see how people go crazy in coffees and coffeeshops, even though it rains as if someone wants to disappear Nederlanders, it's a nice place.
I think I am ok, I buy myself that.
But my dreams sometimes betray me; they wake up at 4.00 a.m. And it really sucks, it's wasted time, since I cannot do anything at all, I kept thinking and wondering if what I saw could become true or is already true and I don't know about it... yet.
Does a person well-being is in direct relationship with what happens to his/her "ex"? Or someone else’s? When did welfare began to be a comparison and become so relative? When did we start to do in a personal level what many worldwide organizations do?
And the most important... how to stop this hideous comparison?
I just hope my dream isn't true, and if it is, there's nothing I could do about it.